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Jarhead Quotes

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D.I. Fitch: (to a whole squad of Marines) You are no longer black, or brown, or yellow, or red! You are now green! You are light green! Or dark green! Do you understand?
All Marines: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Swofford!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You the maggot whose father served in Vietnam?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Outstanding! Did he have the balls to die there?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Too f**king bad! He ever talk about it?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, only once, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Good! Then he wasn't lying!

Troy: I love it out here, this is what I want - 'cause I count for something. Back home, I'd be working some nowhere job, nobody'd even know I was alive. 'We burn the fat off our souls,'... Hemingway said that.

Fowler: (referring to his weapon) You guys should see what the 40 does to the head of a f**king camel!
Troy: What does the 40 do to the head of a camel, Fowler?
Fowler: It turns the head inside out in about three f**king knots.

(Staff sgt. Sykes sends out his "best snipers", Swofford and Troy)
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Thank you, staff sergeant.
Staff Sgt. Sykes: What?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Thank you.
Staff Sgt. Sykes: Don't thank me, just don't f**kin' die.

Sgt. Siek: (looking at Oil Fires) I could be working with my brother right now. He's got a dry-wall business in Compton. Does the inside of office buildings; you know, the metal studs. I could be his partner, said he'd give me that brand new Dodge Ram Charger. You know, the 318 Magnum? The beast? All indoor work, too, lots of AC. I could sleep with my wife every night, f**k her, maybe; take my kids to school every morning. And I'd run his crews, too, probably increase productivity 40 to 50%. Make $100K a year. Do you know why I don't? Because I love this job. I thank God for every f**king day he gives me in the corps, oorah.

All Marines: This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting and this is for fun.

Cortez: This is what life is about, boys!
Fowler: She's a big b*tch, Cortez!
Cortez: She's not big, she's beautiful, and she's beautiful because she's pregnant! That's what life is about.

Kruger: This is censorship.
Sgt. Siek: This is what?
Kruger: Censorship. You're telling us what we can and can't say to the press. That's un-American.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah, what about freedom of speech? The Constitution?
Sgt. Siek: No you signed a contract. You don't have any rights. You got any complaints you complain to Saddam Insane and see if he gives a f**k.
Kruger: Why that's exactly what Saddam Hussein does. You're treating us the same way.
Sgt. Siek: You are a marine. There is no such thing as speech that is free. You must pay for everything that you say.

D.I. Fitch: Are you eyeballing me with those baby-blues? Are you?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Are you in love with me, Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Why, you don't think I look good in my uniform, Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, the Drill Instructor looks excellent in his uniform, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Oh, so you're gay then and you love me!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I'm not gay, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You got a girlfriend, Swafford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Guess again, dumbass, Jody's banging her right now! Get on your face and give me twenty five for all the times she's gonna get f**ked this month! Down on your face!

D.I. Fitch: What the f**k are you even doing here?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I got lost on the way to college, sir.

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Good afternoon Marines!
All Marines: Good afternoon, sir!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Jesus Did you just land in a War Zone or a funeral parlor? Good afternoon Marines!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: OOOO! I just felt my dick move!
(All marines are laughing)
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: For those of you that don't know me, I am Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski, your battalion commander. We are now part of Operation Desert Shield, now just north of us, Saddam Hussein has got one million Iraqi soldiers, now some of those boys have been fighting since you were nine or ten years old, they are tough, they will stop at nothing, they've used nerve gas against the Iranians and the Kurds, here's a picture.
(All marines are looking stunned and angered at the picture of a boy hit with nerve gas)
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Now I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' "let's kick ass, and take names! And in this sh*t, the day before yesterday!"
All Marines: OORAH!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: But the bureaucrats have a lot of jaw bonin' to do, so for now these Iraqis who have r*ped and pillaged poor little Kuwait, are not yet in our gunsights, now our current mission is to protect the oil fields of our good friends in the kingdom of Saud until further notice, and gentlemen, I'm talkin alot of oil, a LOT of oil, so you will hydrate, you will train, you will adjust to this desert, and you'll hydrate some more, and you will be ready, you will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness, and one day soon, Saddam Hussein is gonna regret pullin' this sorry sh*t!
(points to picture of boy)
All Marines: OORAH!
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Hahaha! What did you say?
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass, sir!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh, hell son, you're gonna win the Medal of Honor all by your self, what's the rest of my battalion gonna do?
All Marines: Kick some Iraqi ass!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: You know what? I think it's time for me to retire, I can't hear a f**kIN' THING!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Aw boys, I just got a hard on!

Kruger: (referring to photo of Swoff's girlfriend) I'm storing that for later!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: (the Doors' "Break on Through" being played on a flying by helicopter) That's Vietnam music... can't we get our own music?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What's up, buddy? Merry Christmas.
Corporal Harrigan: Yeah.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I hear you got some good sh*t.
Corporal Harrigan: Fly, rumor, on winged feet. Here... read this.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What is it?
Corporal Harrigan: It's a love letter for the Major. I write all of his letters.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: "Dear sweet Gloria, I wish I was up in you now with a finger in your ass. Love you, Captain Skinboat."
Corporal Harrigan: I studied classics at Dartmouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: It's a good school.
Corporal Harrigan: Forty bucks, five gallons.

Sgt. Siek: (to Swofford after a football hit his head during the game in NBC-suits) Swofford I guess you call that using your head, huh?
(smiles to reporters)
Sgt. Siek: Using his head...

Sgt. Siek: (to the Marines) The Bible says "Thou shalt not kill." But hear this: f**k THAT sh*t!

Sgt. Siek: (to the Marines) Move it. Didn't I tell you not to get lazy? Let's go. Get it on.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: The M16A2 service rifle is a lightweight air-cooled, gas-operated, magazine-fed shoulder weapon. It fires a 5.56 mm ball projectile at a muzzle velocity of 2,800 feet per second. This is my rifle. Repeat after me.

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: (to the Marines) This is not Rambo time.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You poor bastard. I bet your recruiter promised you a whole wide world of p*ssy, huh?
Kruger: f**kin' eh. c*cks*cker knew the price of every wh*re from Olangapo to Stockholm.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: And here we are, headed to the desert - no p*ssy and a thousand miles.
Kruger: f**ked by the green weenie again!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Well, what would you be doing if you were a civilian? Staying up late, jacking off, playing Metroid - trying to get to that ninth level?
Troy: You know what happens when you get there?
Troy: Nothing. You just start all over again.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: We call this friendly fire, friendly f**king, or getting friendly f**ked.

Bored Gunny: (to Anthony Swofford) I'm gonna put you in Golf Company... it's full of retards and f**k-ups. Maybe you can elevate them sons of b*tches a little... or maybe not. Next!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: (shouting at news van leaving) Come back soon, now you hear!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, the Drill Instructor looks fabulous in his uniform, sir!

Troy: f**k politics. We're here. All the rest is bullsh*t.
All Marines: Yeah.

Troy: What's up with the make-up? I thought Texans were tough.
Kruger: I burn easily so f**king sue me.

Troy: We're the leopards... the lions. Those who will take our place will be jackals... hyenas - and all us leopards, lions, jackals, and sheep will go on thinking ourselves the salt of the earth.

Sgt. Siek: (to the dead marine) I told you to keep your f**king head down! If you'd listened to me, you'd still be f**king alive right now, stupid f**k!

Staff Sgt. Sykes: (Sgt. Sykes is directing the recruits on how to judge distances) You take what you know, and then you multiply. Please don't use your dicks. They're too small, and I can't count that high. I don't wanna hear, "400,000 inches."

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: My combat action has commenced.

Dettman's Wife: Who's f**kin' around now, Bryan?

Sgt. Siek: (Yelling at a private, who is struggling to get into his protective gear during a gas drill) That's your f**kin' sleeping bag, you moron!

(in an NBC suit)
Troy: (in a Darth Vader voice) Luke, come over to the Dark Side.

Troy: (to Anthony Swofford) We're going to f**kin' war.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Field f**k!
Reporter: What did he just say?
Sgt. Siek: He said field fun.

(watching Apocalypse Now)
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Shoot that motherf**ker!

Fowler: (in showers, pointing at another marine) Hey, look! It's a c*ck, but smaller!

Sgt. Siek: I don't give out too many special treats. But this morning we have a very special treat. Private Swofford here is going to play reveille for us. Okay, Swofford, play reveille.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: You don't have a what?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle.
Sgt. Siek: Oh no. No, no. Damn, damn. You better play it with your mouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What?
Sgt. Siek: I said play it with your God damn mouth.

Kruger: (to the Marines) It's raining oil. It's raining oil fellas. You ever see that movie 'Giant'? You've seen the movie 'Giant'. James Dean, man. "My well came in, Bick. I'm rich, Bick. Richer than you."

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: (Swoff and Fergus are disassembling and reassembling their rifles in their tent. Cortez is sitting a few bunks down, messing with his radio) What would you say if I told you I was gonna kill you for f**king me over like that?
Fergus: I already told you, it was an accident.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: An accident. Right. Like when the trigger slips. Of course, your nice little mom and dad are where?
Fergus: Cottonwood Falls.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Cottonwood Falls. They'll be sad. THey won't have their little boy to send f**king cookies to. I'll say it was an accidental discharge. I might spend some time in the brig... but it'll end this f**king waiting. And I don't knwo what it's like to kill a man.
(loads rifle and points it at Fergus)
Fergus: What are you doing?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I'm in the firing position known as the sitting position. After the prone position, it is the platform most likely to enable a Marine to effectivley kill his target. His target being a human, generally an enemy but sometimes a friend or friendly. We call this frinedly fire, or friendly f**king or getting friendly f**ked.
Fergus: Come on Swoff, it was your watch! It was Christmans Eve, and I was just thinking about home. That's it.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What do you think Cortez? You think I'll accidentally kill your homeboy from boot camp?
Cortez: Sure you'll kill him. Accidents happen.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You don't see sh*t right?
Cortez: I don't see sh*t. This ain't even my tent. Matter of fact, I ain't even here, Swoff.
(exits tent)

Sgt. Siek: Swofford? Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah?
Sgt. Siek: What the f**k? You sick?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: No, sir. I just got this stomach-thing...
Sgt. Siek: Staff Sergenat Siek. I'm with Surveillance and Target Acquisition. STA. I heard it took six guys to pull that little branding trick on you. And your file says that you ain't dumb either. So you better get unsick most motha f**king rikey-tick, cause' there's a chance that you could be a scout sniper!
Sgt. Siek: (picks up Swofford's book) What the f**k is this?
Sgt. Siek: "The stranger from Camus". That's some heavy dope right there, marine!

Sgt. Siek: Details, gentlemen, details! Details is gonna be the difference between you killing your target or your target killing you.

Kruger: Okay, yeah, sure, fine. I'll take the f**king pills and a year later my a**h*le will turn inside out and start talking to me!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Okay, stop stop.
Kruger: This pills aren't worth a sh*t.
Sgt. Siek: Kruger, you country motherf**ker

Kruger: (on top of pile of marines after football game) Kruger of Arabia!

(last lines)
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert.

D.I. Fitch: Jesus, Joseph and doggy-style Mary!

Sgt. Siek: Will you shut the f**k up! There is no bugle program! You sizzle-dick motherf**ker! Who do you think you are, some kind of Kenny G or some sh*t?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: No, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: Good.

Sgt. Siek: Now to the rest of you, do you have what it takes to be the meanest, the cruelest, the most sadist unforgiving mother f**kers in God's cruel kingdom?
All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: Will you be able to one day say, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother f**ker in the God damn valley?"
All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: We shall f**king see.

(repeated line)
Troy: Welcome to The s*ck.

Cortez: I'm the midget, huh? Let's go you squishy-faced retard!
Fowler: (dead serious) Don't you ever call me squishy-face!

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