Phil Davis: When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting, whatever it is you've got left.
Bob Wallace: When I figure out what that means I'll come up with a crushing reply. (imdb.com)
Doris: Well how do you like that? Not so much as a "kiss my foot" or "have an apple". (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: How do you do?
Doris: Mutual, I'm sure. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's forty-five minutes, and I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: That's very funny. Ho, ho, ho. The crooner is now becoming the comic. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: How can a guy *that* ugly have the nerve to have sisters?
Bob Wallace: Very brave parents. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: Oh, Phil, when are you going to learn that girls like that are a dime a dozen?
Phil Davis: Please, don't quote me the price when I haven't got the time. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: You don't expect me to get serious with the kind of characters you and Rita have been throwing at me, do you?
Phil Davis: Well, there have been some nice girls, too, you know.
Bob Wallace: Oh yeah, yeah. Like that nuclear scientist we just met out in the hall.
Phil Davis: All right, they didn't go to college. They didn't go to Smith.
Bob Wallace: Go to Smith? She couldn't even spell it. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: In some ways, you're far superior to my c*cker spaniel. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: Give me one reason, one good reason, why we should spend our last two hours in Florida looking at the sisters of Freckle-Face Haynes, the dog-faced boy.
Bob Wallace: Let's just say we're doing it for an old pal in the army.
Phil Davis: Well, it's not good, but it's a reason. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: It's cozier, isn't it? Boy, girl, boy, girl. (imdb.com)
(to the Haynes sisters)
Phil Davis: Mr. Wallace was just saying how remarkable it was that Benny Haynes' sisters should have eyes...
Phil Davis: ...I mean, blue eyes. That is eyes...
Bob Wallace: Nice out. (imdb.com)
(after Betty finds Judy and Phil embracing)
Betty Haynes: What is this? The best two outta three?
Judy Haynes: I guess I got carried away.
Phil Davis: Yeah, she carried me right with her - I don't weigh very much. (imdb.com)
Judy Haynes: We're booked for the holidays.
Phil Davis: Vermont, huh?
Judy Haynes: Oh, Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, with all that snow.
Phil Davis: Yeah, you know something... Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, with all that snow.
Judy Haynes: That's what I just said.
Phil Davis: We seem to be getting a little mixed up.
Judy Haynes: Maybe it's the music.
Phil Davis: Maybe it isn't only the music. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: Miss Haynes, if you're ever under a falling building and someone offers to pick you up and carry you to safety, don't think, don't pause, don't hesitate for a moment, just spit in his eye.
Betty Haynes: What did that mean?
Bob Wallace: It means we're going to Vermont. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: How much is "wow"?
Bob Wallace: It's right in between, uh, "ouch" and "boing".
Phil Davis: Wow! (imdb.com)
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: There's no Christmas in the Army! (imdb.com)
(General Waverly has told the jeep driver to take the new Commanding General back to Headquarters via a short cut)
Joe, Adjutant Captain: (pointing after the departed jeep) That's not the way to Headquarters!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: Joe, *you* know that, and *I* know that, but the General doesn't! At least he won't for the next hour and a half.
Joe, Adjutant Captain: That sergeant will be a private in the morning.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: (wearily) Yes, isn't he lucky. (imdb.com)
(General Waverly has come downstairs for the Christmas Eve show in his uniform)
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: (to Susan) You didn't expect me to come down in my bathrobe, did you? (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: (into his water glass) Pushing, pushing. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: (describing his kind to Judy) I'm the 'I-don't-mind-pushing-my-best-friend-into-but-am-scared-stiff-if-I-get-anywhere-near-it' kind. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: (after performing "Sisters") Hey, we're a smash let's take a bow!
Bob Wallace: We'll take a bow down to the jail house! (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: (about the train tickets) I don't have them. I must have left them in my girdle. (imdb.com)
Judy Haynes: (about Betty) I've got a flash for you: she's a real slow mover.
Phil Davis: I've got a flash right back for you: she's in there with the champ. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: (about Bob's idea to help the General) I think it's ridiculous, impossible, and insane!
Bob Wallace: Anything else?
Phil Davis: Yes, I wish I'd thought of it first. (imdb.com)
Judy Haynes: (about Betty) Yesterday, she couldn't sleep. Today, she won't eat. She's in love.
Phil Davis: Well if that's love, somebody goofed. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: (describing his injury after "falling down the stairs) Probably just a small internal muscular hemorrhage. (imdb.com)
Ex-Soldier: (attempting to button his uniform pants) Captain, these things have shrunked!
Bob Wallace: Well, your appetite hasn't shrunk. (imdb.com)
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: (to Capt. Wallace) Don't just stand there - how do I get off? (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: We like to take care of our friends.
Betty Haynes: But we're practically strangers!
Phil Davis: Uh, we like to take care of that too.
Betty Haynes: But I don't understand. Why are you doing this? I mean, what's in it for you?
Phil Davis: Forty-five minutes all to myself. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: We wouldn't be any good as generals.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: You weren't any good as privates (imdb.com)
Betty Haynes: (singing on the train) I want to wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: Oh,I hope I can take back the electric blanket back.
Bob Wallace: Where's that?
Phil Davis: Under the underwear. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: We ate, and then he ate. We slept and then he slept.
Phil Davis: Yeah, then he woke up and nobody slept for forty-eight hours. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: (Buying train tickets) Uh, I don't seem to have any cash.
Bob Wallace: Where'd you leave that? In your snood? (imdb.com)
Emma Allen: (Regarding the inn) This place used to be a grist mill and a barn. Now it's a Tyrolean haunted house. (imdb.com)
Phil Davis: We looked at this big ski lodge and said isn't it ideal. That's the word we used, ideal. Absolutely, ideal.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: We've acknowledged that the ski lodge is ideal. (imdb.com)
Betty Haynes: Why, all of a sudden, are people so concerned about my eating habits? Why don't people just leave me alone? (imdb.com)
Judy Haynes: (after creating her phony engagement with Phil) Don't you think we ought to kiss or something?
Phil Davis: (Obviously nervous) Not until it's absolutely necessary. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: (Regarding Phil) I don't know what you see in this tall drink of charged water, but after you get to know him he's almost endurable. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: (to Judy) You're lucky! You might have been stuck with this weirdsmobile for life! (imdb.com)
Betty Haynes: Mr. Bones? Mr. Bones? How do you feel, Mr. Bones?
Phil Davis: Rattlin'!
Betty Haynes: Mr. Bones feels rattlin'. Ha ha. That's a good one. Tell a little story, Mr. Bones.
Bob Wallace: A funny little story, Mr. Bones!
Phil Davis: How do you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday?
Betty Haynes: That joke is old. The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday!
Phil Davis: That's not how you stop a dog from biting you on Monday!
Betty Haynes: How do you bring a thing about?
Phil Davis: Have the doggy's teeth pulled out!
Betty Haynes: Oh, Mr. Bones, that's terrible!
Phil Davis: Uh-huh.
Betty Haynes, Bob Wallace: Yes, Mr. Bones, that's terrible!
Phil Davis: Uh-huh. (imdb.com)
Judy Haynes: Looks like it's absolutely necessary. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: I have a feeling I'm not going to like this.
Phil Davis: I have a feeling you're gonna hate it.
Bob Wallace: Then why should I do it.
Phil Davis: Let's just say we're doing it for an old
Bob Wallace, Phil Davis: pal in the army... yeah (imdb.com)
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: I got along just fine without you in the Army.
Emma Allen: Yeah. It only took 15,000 men to take my place. (imdb.com)
(after Bob has found out about Phil and Judy's phony engagement)
Judy Haynes: It's just that she's always been something of a mother hen.
Phil Davis: Yeah, and we wanted Mother Hen to leave the nest so that Little Chick could... I guess we laid an egg.
Bob Wallace: An egg? Brother, you laid a Vermont volleyball! (imdb.com)
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: How could you have sent all my suits to the cleaners?
Emma Allen: (laconically) You only have two.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: Well then I would think that you'd send them one at a time. (imdb.com)
Judy Haynes: (to Phil) You are not exactly Superman, but you are awfully available. (imdb.com)
Bob Wallace: Hey, Davis! How you feelin'?
Phil Davis: Pretty good, Captain.
Bob Wallace: Just dropped by to thank you for saving my life.
Phil Davis: Well, uh, it was a life worth saving. (imdb.com)
Betty Haynes: Look who's talking about guilt!
Bob Wallace: What do you mean by that?
Betty Haynes: I mean you shouldn't mix fairy tales with liverwurst and buttermilk.
Bob Wallace: What did you have for lunch today?
Betty Haynes: I didn't have lunch.
Bob Wallace: Maybe you ought to eat some. (imdb.com)